hi

So...
(wow, I wasn't aware I hadn't written here for such a long time)
Well...

Actually, I had been thiking of posting some ideas here for the last few days but I had eventually decided not to because there is nothing to gain from "ohmygodmylifesuckssobadI'msomiserable" posts.

But then today life sucked worse that usually, and I still wanted to be a good girl, but my friends wouldn't help me, and suddenly I found myself changin my fb profile picture for one in which I was 14 and suicidal, and then writing a post/joke about my fb page being suicidal itself (in which, for the record, I encouraged it to be strong and not kill itself).

And friends, a friend, one very dear friend who has been really helpful and good to me before, well, him, couldn't think of anything else to do but scol me for laughing at suicide when I'm only just trying hard to ridiculize the idea of my own suicide, because, as it happens, I do wish I wasn't alive. And it's just that it made me feel so bad, because he, well, maybe it was just me being paranoid, but my sensation has been that he wasn't being any great lately, and God, it would help if he were.

So whatever.
Suicide humour sucks, yeah, exactly as much as being me does, and I'm fucking free to laugh at it if I want to, the last thing I need is people making me feel worse.

bye

What now?

Exactly why has all my reading list disappeared into thin air?

Building it again from scratch is just... tiresome. Ah, and annoying.

Privacy

What do you do when you can not blurt stuff out in either of your blogs anymore because some of your readers actually have an active rol in your life?

Do you get a new mail accout and start another brand new blog?

Do you just write it on post-its and stick it on your bedroom wall?

Do you click "publish" anyway because you don't give a fuck?

Do you let anxiety get over yourself and buble whatever thing is bothering you while rocking in your corner?

Do you let it unsaid, as you had done all your life before you started blogging? Do you let your annoyance, fear, anxiety and worries control your decission? Do you repent for having ever typed a single word?

I hate it when people does things for me without me asking and they do them in the wrong way.

Like, you know, there's this guy who apparently likes me a lot, and yeah I also kind of like him, and he asked me to be his girlfriend but I said "no" because I was leaving, and the moment was not the best to explain things so I just said no.
And this morning he went to the restaurant before I was there and my mom told him I'm leaving.

So when I arrived he's looked at me with a sad look and he's said "So your leaving" and I said "Yes" and he asked "for how long" and I said "minimum 7 months" and his look's turned even sadder.

And shit.

(And yeah, this is me whining and I'm sorry about that but I needed to split it out)

¡hey!

Escribo este post sólo para que sepáis que sigo viva XD y que la vida me va aceptablemente bien :)

Ya he hecho tres exámenes, pero me quedan cuatro para la semana que viene así que tengo mucho que estudiar. Además he tenido taquicardias y  me estoy quitando la cafeína (más o menos) y no lo llevo del todo bien: me cuesta muchísimo concentrarme.

Tengo una lista de posts pendientes que va creciendo y creciendo... supongo que los iré escribiendo a partir del 9 de junio.

Por lo demás, ¡quiero ir a Madrid! ¡pero no debo!
La razón principal por la que quiero ir es para asistir a un concierto de una gentecilla... pero no llevo bien los conciertos (gente, ruido, ruido, gente, ...). Además nadie quiere venirse conmigo. Pero yo quiero ir. Más que nada, quiero irme, quiero salir de aquí, porque empiezo a estar un poco negra de ciertas cosas, de detalles que se van acumulando en mi pecho y acaban por no dejarme respirar. Ay.

La semana que viene me estaré quedando en casa de mi abuela así que no tendré internet siquiera...

Eso es un poco todo.

Maiatzak 17

"Happy birthday to me"

But the day is not going any well... :'(

And now, I'm going back to Elizabeth Gaskell.

Gallardon 'the Hater'

I thought that, as a spanish citizen, my rights on abortion were safe... but the woman haters (PP) are back in power with absolute majority and their moves have started.
It had been hinted that, if they won, the homosexual marriage law would be at risk, but they have decided to start with abortion.
Alberto Ruiz Gallardon, who is known for bieng the most left sided person in the political party he belongs to (PP) stated the following in an open session in the congress:

"La maternidad es lo que hace a las mujeres verdaderamente mujeres [...][y los poderes públicos tienen que actuar] para garantizar el derecho a la maternidad".

Literal translation:
"Motherhood is what makes women real women [...] and the public powers have to act to grant the right of motherhood".

In context, what he said is that motherhood is what makes women real women and because of that abortion should be ilegal, because it keeps women from complete realization, and that the government intends to take measures in that direction.

There are a bunch of things I'd like to point out.

1. This person, as male, has no right or knowledge to decide what's what makes us women.
2. I may even believe, that in my own case, it is possible that I think motherhood is the only way of bringing me complete happyness, but I still made a choice not to have children. This person doesn't have the right to force me to personal realization.
3. Let's say we were living in a creepy society where personal realization was, in fact, compulsory. Where does Gallardón's reasoning leave all that women who, for one reason or another, are incapable of giving birth? Why does he condemn them to not being able of being real women?
4. In what universe is a relation between granting the right of motherhood and ilegalizing abortion? Why are motherhood and abortion treated as contraries when they are not? Can't you have an abortion at 18 because you don't feel ready to have kids yet and have then later in your live? Can't you be a mother of a dozen of kids who decides that thirteen is too many?
5. Why does he say "grant the right of motherhood" when the only thing understandable from his logic is the "destruction of the right to choose motherhood"? Is he really spaeking of making motherhood compulsory? Because that's what it sounds like.

Really, I prefer the "abortion is murder" line by too much.

When your rivals dissapoint you...

It has happened to me several times that, after hearing/reading something that really annoys me, like, enought to give a reply, it is missunderstood, often as a possitive comment.
In that cases the severe idiocy of the person I'm trying to comunicate with dissapoints that much it leaves me with nothing else to say.

And it happened yesterday.
April is coming so the web is full of what I call "Autism Awareness Bullshit" and I ran into a gorgeous example on twitter.
I'm going to reproduce that and the subsequent conversation here for you to enjoy:

• @Kittysolpink said: "Remember next month is Autism awareness. Hoping for a cure for all those dealing with this condition."
• I (@SaiShi_Shi) couldn't stop myself and replied: "@Kittysolpink I've got #Aspergers and I'm hoping for a cure for all those dealing with your condition."
• The brilliant answer I got was:"@SaiShi_Shi I do not have the condition my nephew those."

I just managed to assume she meant "does" when wrote "those" in that last tweet. Everything else is buried that deep in idiocy it keeps being a mystery for me.

Maybe twitter need italics, or bolds, or something...

no todos somos "mamis" / It's not just moms

The definition for autism in the DRAE (official spanish dictionary) was just horrible and after many attempts a mainly social-network based initiative has achieved it: they are changing it for the next edition (2014) and I guess they'll change it on the web's advance to the new edition too (it's not done yet, don't know why) for a somehow better one. Whatever, that's not my point.
So everyone is celebrating it. It's on Twitter, loads of blogs, and newspapers, problaby in the news. Everyone is happy. Everyone is congratulating all the hard working moms and families.

It's not just the fucking moms, you know? There's loads of people who's not anyone's mom. Some are just concerned people that don't need to be a kid's mom to try and help. Some of us are just  autistics fighting for our own sake.
It's something we are able to do, and we do it.
We ourselves are part of it.
It's no ggod if you are celebrating something because it's good for us and you leave us out of it-

Oh my, I am annoyed.

P.S.: Sorry for the moms out there. I usually read some of your blogs and that stuff and I know you are working hard (whether it is in the right path or not, I'm not discussing now) and it's not you who's making me annoyed and this mad post is not against you, even if it may look like. Just, "oh, sorry!", because I'm not erasing the "fucking".